By Lindy Earl
Have you ever noticed that couple whom you couldn’t tell if they were parent/child or on a date? How uncomfortable is that? I have asked around and found that some people have no problem with age, some prefer to date younger (both men and women) and some prefer to date older (both men and women).
What I have learned is that the women who prefer dating younger men are usually talking 8-10 years their junior. Men who prefer dating younger women will happily drop 20 years or more in age.
Of the women who prefer dating older men, I have found, in general, they prefer dating 5-10 years their senior. Of the men who prefer dating older women, I have found that they prefer dating 20-30 years older. Yes, 25 and 30 year old men intentionally target women in their 50s.
Of course, if somebody is dating a person half their age, it stands to reason that the younger person must be willing to date someone twice their age. My research was on preferences, not actualities.
With that as the background, the first question may be – where do these people meet? Online is the most obvious answer, but it’s not the only place. In one situation of a gentleman of 50 dating a woman half his age, they met organically. They were both up front about their ages. It didn’t matter to either of them. They didn’t last long but it wasn’t just because of age.
In one case the younger gentleman found his lady online in a different way. She was selling a desk on Face Book and he feigned interest in order to talk to her. They carried on a lively chat long after the desk was sold to a third party and he eventually admitted his interest was a ruse. Hmmm.
Next question – can such a lopsided relationship last? Well, we probably all know couples who have lasted despite an age difference. I found, however, that cultural differences, historical references, and just current events drove a wedge between such couples.
Another question – what about interests? If it’s something like sports, there shouldn’t be an issue. Football is football. If, however, you’re talking music, then an issue could ensue. What if one is looking for 21 Pilots while the other wants a band from the 80’s? Maybe it’s a good opportunity to open minds to more of what’s out there, or it may be a problem.
Something that may sound like a silly question but I’ve learned the importance: what time does a date start? When I was in College, decades ago, dates started about eight or nine o’clock. Now I here of dates starting at 10:00pm. In my age range, I find people truly enjoy daytime dates. So, if one person wants a 2:00pm date and the other wants a 9:00pm date, there could be an issue. See, it’s not just about the genealogical age, but all that it entails.
I will say that, in my limited research, sex, as in the act, not the gender, never seem to be much of an issue. The people were often targeting a certain age for exactly that reason. Younger men wanted experienced women, older men were looking for hot girls. I’m not judging or condoning, just reporting.
Even without age questions, cultural and interest differences can affect any relationship.
The last point I want to make returns us to the first point, of whether you have to wonder if someone is on a date or in a parent-child relationship. The answer – you don’t have to wonder because it’s nobody’s business. You shouldn’t care. It doesn’t matter. No worries.
That’s Dating After Divorce.
Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.
* Contact her at Ask@LindySpeaks.com to submit a question for her Advice Column.
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* Purchase her latest book, Surviving Holidays and Events After Divorce at
http://www.lindyspeaks.com/Products.html for $8.00 (half off Amazon’s price).
