By Lindy Earl
Downsizing has become wonderfully popular over the past decade. There are articles and books and videos teaching us why to downsize and how to downsize and when we should start this project and why we shall be so much happier, and even where our stuff should go . . . three bags: trash, donate, keep.
Going through a divorce during the downsizing and declutter phase gave me a ready made joke: I rid myself of 180 pounds in a single day. I’ve made the same joke about weight – how to lose 180 pounds in a single day: divorce him.
In truth, decluttering is a good idea, whether or not you’re downsizing. I don’t think we should automatically get rid of stuff so much as choose what we want. Once you know what is important to you, then all the rest can go. These theories of hold each piece and thank it for the memories just isn’t who I am. But letting go of things that once meant something but don’t anymore – that’s a good thing! As I realized that I only need four pair of pajamas, it was easy to choose my four favorites and oust the rest. Yea!
So, my thoughts turned to people. Can the same thing be done with friends and relationships? Can we acknowledge that some people have fulfilled their purpose in our lives, so it’s time to pass them on. Just because you don’t need your desk anymore doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value to someone else. Isn’t the same true for people? Somebody is going to be happy to have that desk and they will enjoy it, when for you it was just taking up space. I hope my ex is finding happiness right now, because our path together had reached its final destination.
Another rule of downsizing is that if you bring in something new, something similar must go. If you are replacing tennis shoes, then toss the old ones when you buy new. Is that equally true with friends? As you meet a new person with whom you want to spend time, should you release an old friend, because we all have a limited number of hours in our day.
Maybe it’s a combination of all of the different ideas. Consider if you even have a relationship with a person or are they a lovely but distant memory from your childhood? Are they a FB name but you have never met them? I feel closer to some new friends on face book than to some high school friends. Yes, I’ve met the high school friends, but that was more than 30 years ago. We aren’t the same people we were. But we hold onto those old friendships when it may be time to allow them to drift away.
Another consideration for downsizing friendships is your personality. Are you a 100-best-friends kind of person? Are you a one or two best friends kind of person? Either is fine. I know which one I am. How many good friends can I really handle before I start being a lousy friend? If I can only sustain six really good friendships and one relationship, then who are my top six? What do I do with the rest? Is a formal break up necessary with friends from ten years ago? Probably not. I still enjoy seeing their social media posts.
We have all seen people declutter their social media contacts. Maybe you weren’t cut off but removed from daily contact. That’s okay with me. It’s actually freeing when someone chooses to not share what they had for breakfast with me. There is information overload on social media!
If a relationship causes you stress, then maybe it’s not a relationship you need anymore. Those happy memories are history. Maybe it’s time to declutter your friends list – and I don’t mean on face book, I mean in real life.
Like downsizing and decluttering, you should be left with less stuff (fewer friends, in this case) but more of what really matters – people in your life who care about you. So don’t focus on what you lost, but what you have. Enjoy fewer really good relationships and be less stressed and happier.
That’s Dating After Divorce.
Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant. Contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com or find and like her page on Face Book, and join her FB support group, Single Again: From Devastation to Dating.
