Dating After Divorce “Old School Love”

By Kenneth Stepp

Old school love. Man this saying brings up many thoughts in my feeble mind. Old school… I remember dating when I was a young man. It seems to be so different today that we should make up a new word for it. This “thing” we do today simply isn’t what I remember dating to be. It is a dance that leaves too many of us without a seat when the music stops. Is this generational? How different was it from what my parents did? What about way back? I mean back when women wore dresses that looks like lamp shades and men wrote with feathers. I believe if they visited the future they would be taken aback by the lack of respect we show one another. Heck, I am and I believe many others would agree with me.

“Old-fashioned dating still exists. You’re either dating the wrong people or you are the problem.”

― Dominic Riccitello

The word respect has been stuck in my head lately. I believe it’s the key to the problems with dating these days. The lack of respect causes all of us to be hurt on some level or the other. “Damaged goods.” We all are, aren’t we? In this dating climate we are all getting smacked around emotionally at every turn. From vanishing lovers to digitally being told off. Damage is bound to happen. The greatest casualty to being damaged is a breach of trust. And how having trust issues make us react and cause us far more problems and pain than the original damage did. Someone hurts us and the next person in your life will see so many defenses in you that will eventually cause them to remove themselves from your life. Trust, like respect, should be a given freely. Without trust, no one can enter your world. Or if they do, they won’t stay. They can’t.

“People that have trust issues only need to look in the mirror. There they will meet the one person that will betray them the most.”

― Shannon L. Alder

As is always the case, I only have questions. I am void of answers. And screaming at the top of my lungs, STOP THE MADNESS! Doesn’t help, don’t ask me how I know this. To have a heart connection, and that is what everyone claims to want, we have to freely offer respect and trust. I have been on the receiving end of someone with a lot of damage not trusting me. She was amazing and for just a moment, I thought she was the one. But after the second time being hit with an explosion of ugly allegations and insults, I removed myself from any chance of us communicating again. I have to admit, she was stuck in my head deeper and longer than I’d hoped. Damage won. Mistrust won. Hearts lost. We lost. That’s what disrespect and mistrust always lead to. Until we can get past these things, old school love, or love in any form, simply cannot happen in our lives. I tend to over trust. I forgive and yes, even forget quickly. I don’t cling to past wrongs. This has cost me a lot in my life. But I have gained far more than my losses because of it. Enjoy the ride my friends. Remember to open your heart. Don’t armour plate it. Nothing good can get in.

“Have a big enough heart to love unconditionally, and a broad enough mind to embrace the differences that make each of us unique.”

― D.B. Harrop