Ask Lindy . . . What’s in a Kiss?

By Lindy Earl

Dear Lindy,

I love to kiss!  I think it’s the greatest part of intimacy. Does this sound right?

-Two lips ready

Dear Ready,

If it works for you, and the people you date, then it’s right!  I agree with you that kissing is essential in an intimate relationship. Further, skipping the hello and good-bye kisses can be one way to slowly kill a relationship.  Just find someone who enjoys it, and feels the same way about intimacy, and you’re all set.

Dear Lindy,

I started dating a guy and, after three dates, he hasn’t given me a real kiss yet. The first night I appreciated the perfunctory kiss on the cheek.  I found it old-fashioned and sweet.  But after three weeks I have to wonder – do I have halitosis? Does he not find me attractive? What is happening here?


Dear Confused,

It’s all good.  I have heard about, and been subjected to, this.  It is usually good news.  A really great guy, who is not just out for a cheap thrill, does not want to come on too strongly.  Thus, they will hold back.  They intend it as a sign of respect and maturity – they respect you and want you to see how mature they are.

I do not think that men understand that a woman, when she is not kissed for what some consider an extended period, starts to wonder and doubt herself.  He is thinking he is wonderful for holding off and thinks she is appreciative of his moving slowly.  And, to a point, women do appreciate not being rushed.

To your point, does he find you attractive, the answer is absolutely yes.  In truth, he finds both your looks and mind attractive and does not want to scare you away by being too bold.

Good news! There are several ways this can be handled.  First, communicate your wonderment.  Simply ask him if there is a reason he hasn’t kissed you fully yet. That should remove the barriers.

A more physical approach is to take matters into your own hands.  Grab the man and kiss him!  If he is not interested (doubtful if you’ve been dating for a month or more by now) then you will know it immediately.  More likely, he’s seen you as unattainable.  When he sees that you are, in fact, approachable, he will be thrilled so y’all can proceed at a natural speed for both of you.

The last option, which is too often taken and is the absolute worst answer, is to break it off with him, without warning or communication, based on fears and assumptions that could be absolutely incorrect. Your thoughts that he doesn’t find you attractive or something may be wrong between the two of you is probably the last thing on his mind.  This is a really bad way to end what might have been a good relationship.

Dear Lindy,

How do you know when it’s love or lust?

-Physically inclined

Dear Physical,

Love is in the heart, mind, and soul. Lust is found in other areas.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.

* Contact her at to submit a question for her Advice Column or have her speak at your event or act as a Consultant.

* Find her on Face Book and join the group,  Single Again: From Devastation to Dating, on FB.

* Purchase her latest book, Surviving Holidays and Events After Divorce at for $8.00 (half off Amazon’s price).