Single Again… Things, Stuff, And Change

By Kenneth Stepp


Have you ever felt that you were in a rut? Time keeps going by, yet we remain in the same place. What place is different for everyone and it does change. Most of the change we simply do not notice. It’s called, The Boiling Frog Syndrome. One day we wake up and we are a different person altogether. Many times, we are a better person too. Life has a way of sanding the rough edges off of us. Humility happens to all of us. And humility changes us. It’s as if we are on a mountain top and we arrogantly see things from a “me first” perspective. Humility moves us to a very different mountain with a very different view.


“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” ― Ernest Hemingway


If you have been single more than two weeks, you have baggage. I call it things and stuff. Someone hurt you, an event hurt you, or life in general hurt you. It’s how you found yourself single again.It certainly happened this way in my life. When my wife and I split, I was hurt and very angry. The trouble was, all I felt was excited and relieved at the time. Hurt and anger were invisible to me, but they were there, waiting to rain on any parade I might find myself marching in. This would come back and haunt me very soon. Not knowing these things existed meant that when they reared their ugly heads, I would be unprepared for the carnage they would bring my way.


“When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet.” ― Steve Maraboli


My first “relationship” would teach me loss would be a part of this journey. It also taught me how much I could take. I had never felt love like that before. It was so powerful. An instant connection. Because it happened so fast, I assumed I would get over it just as quickly. Real love has a way of teaching us humility and need. I assumed because although I am a hopeless romantic, I am also logical, and logic always one in my mind. The problem was, love is in my heart and my mind wasn’t in control anymore. I loved her and love is forever. This relationship failure would alter my life forever. This one taught me things I would have never thought of before.


“If you accept such love with purity and humility, you will understand that Love is neither giving nor receiving -it is participating.” ― Paulo Coelho


Loving her taught me so much. I have a great capacity to love deep and forever. I didn’t understand that about me. That losing real love only means that you lost the relationship, not the love. I can love again, I will always love her, but love creates mora capacity to love. It’s the only thing in life that does this. Loving her taught me that pain isn’t forever, we learn to endure it, it will not stop us unless we allow it to. I learned that time and space doesn’t affect love. It’s been over five years. I do not ask myself if I love her, the answer greets me daily.Where she is is of no consequence either. Moving on, that relationship taught me I could. I’m lucky to be one of the few that can still move forward without my walls up. I’m cautious as a strategy, not out of need. I’ve learned what I want and do not want. She took my breath away, the girl I seek will do that. She was brilliant, my girl will be as well. I never questioned her love for me as long as we were together. I want that again. Simple with wisdom. My girl exists. In my mind, it is a fairytale. Wait for yours people. They are out there and I believe they search for us too.


“Never fall in love with someone that won’t fight for you because when the real battles begin they won’t pull your heart to safety, but they will their own.”

Shannon L. Alder


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