Single Again… Pieces

By Kenneth Stepp

Science tells us we are made from subatomic particles.  These are the same thing a chair or a tree would be made of. To add to the confusion, we replace these particles over and over again. Why do I feel emotions and the chair doesn’t? And there goes my mind again…

I am made of pieces. Every piece is connected to a memory. Every memory is connected to an experience and every experience is connected to a person. That person is connected to an emotion. That emotion has value to me and keeps me connected, perhaps for life, to that person. Life for me works this way. I am told to stop but there is no off switch.

I believe we are all created and all differently. I meet people all the time that have mastered life alone, a partnerless existence. They flourish alone. Everything in their lives flow perfectly. Or at least seems to. A brief look at my life would reveal that I’ve mastered nothing.

You see, my very together single friends are great alone. With the exception of about 6 months when I lived in Atlanta, I have never lived alone. I enjoy being a part of something. I’ve had the same roommate for the better part of 4 years. She’s family now, she’s part of my tribe. 

One day I will find her or she will find him and our happy home will be no more. It’s a sad truth that many live with today. Pieces of my heart will be left with her. I’ve loved three times, these women are in my past now, still friends, but the dynamics have changed. I left pieces of me with them as well. How many pieces did I begin with?

Today as I work towards my forever goal, I am reminded what those that came before her meant to me. They molded me into who and what I am today. Well, they at least help. I still speak with them when I need advice, so I suppose I’m still becoming the person I am to become. But my pieces are forever elsewhere. 

We all have these scattered parts. They may stretch from one part of the globe to another. They are brought back to us by memories. An example was just today, a picture came up in my memories. A friend I’ve had for years told me they loved the shot. I texted it to her and said, this reminded me of you. 

Friends hold our pieces too. Those we cared about for whatever reason. I have friends that I will care about forever. For the most part my pieces are safe with them. As I think on how many hold onto parts of me, I have to wonder, am I whole? Is it possible to have lived a life like mine and be whole? No answer comes.

I once knew a man, he was a motivational speaker, mentor, and a great man of passion. He always spoke of giving yourself away. He did until the day he died. To most he was just some guy that spoke at meetings. They come and go often. To me he was a hero. He gave himself away until his last piece. 

So am I really whole. I sure hope not. Today is Father’s Day. My dad had 3 boys. Big strong, strong willed boys. He always told us. Leave others better than you found them. I have loved. That love will always stay where I placed it. I will gladly give it and give it forever. 

Thank you dad. I’m proud to be a reflection of you. I can’t wait to see you on the other side.

Happy Father’s Day!