By Kenneth Stepp
Even though I wrote the title to this, those words look very odd together. But I believe we should think of them as a team always. Talk isn’t really cheap… I have watched people be shredded by words. I have spoken to so many who were in abusive relationships. They weren’t physically damaged, but words hurt them badly. For those of you who think words mean nothing. Talk to one of my friends who lived in one of these relationships. They were prisoners but didn’t know it. It’s a sad cruel existence. One I pray they never see again Words cause damage. That is the point of my writing this. In the singles world, everyone puts their best foot forward. It’s human nature. You only make one first impression. Make it your best.
Most of us are genuinely nice people. But some are far from it. Some are simply mean spirited, and words are their weapons, they thrive on using them. It gives them power in a weird way. There is always, “the setup”. Nice person, seems interested and interesting. But once the trap is set. It’s shredding time. And your ego, heart, and emotions are always in their crosshairs. Why do they do these things? Some had childhood events that poisoned their view of self and others. Some have been damaged badly. That hurt made them jaded. And they seldom know this about themselves. They have an, I told them, mentality. They are incapable of a long term relationship. It won’t take long till this shows up. They will be alone for the most part, until they deal with the problem by themselves.
This subject has been on my mind a lot recently, not sure why. But it has been front and center for me. Maybe because as I meet new friends and hear their stories, I hear so many elements of abuse in their history. It’s hard to hear some of them. Why would one human think it’s ok to demean another? I may never know the answer to this one. My dad taught me how to be a man, and how to treat a woman. And showed me with his life how to be a woman’s man. He was a great role model, maybe the most generous man or person I have ever known. His friends knew it. Many took advantage of his kindness. But he remained a great friend.
As singles on the same journey we need to make sure our words have kindness in them. Temper them with kindness, filter them through kindness. My favorite way to explain it is, just be nice. Not everyone will be a romantic connection. Not everyone will “fit” with you. But everyone is just as important as you or me. Treat them with the respect you want to receive. I have met so many along the way, most are friends to this day. Many are close friends. And sadly some decided friendship wasn’t an option for them. Yet another thing my mind cannot comprehend. But damage causes choices. Most of them bad ones. Bridge burners. And they will continue until they shine that judgmental light on themselves. Or, maybe never.
Respect… What happened to it? That may well be the most asked question I get. I speak with mostly girls. That seems to be my reader base. I hear stories that would curl your toes. It would seem that common courtesy has left the building. I am constantly amazed by what I hear. It’s only happened to me once. Well, twice by the same person. It stings for a minute. But I look at what caused her to have so much hate trapped inside and understand she is in that pre-discovery phase of damage. One day she will realize what has been growing inside and deal with it. At least I hope so. I would wish that for everyone. We are all in this together. I say that a lot. Let’s just respect one another and move on. The friends I have made on my singles journey are amazing, and my life is so much better because of them. In three overused words, “just be nice”
“Kindness isn’t a lost art, but it’s always a great choice”
- Kenneth Stepp