Single Again… When Does It Happen?

By Kenneth Stepp


Time… We never seem to have enough of it. I doubt when a person is at death’s door that they ever feel they had enough time. We can debate what time really is, or like many physicists believe, that time isn’t real at all, that as humans we invent time in our minds to compartmentalise our experiences. I’ll just say that the single mother that is told by a doctor that she has 6 months to get her affairs in order, knows just how real time is. My point is that time is different for everyone. It means something different to everyone. Time is always our nemesis and most precious possession at the same time. Money has no value. It’s worth whatever our time was worth earning it, nothing more, nothing less. Time is all we have, our only real asset, so what we do with time we have, matters…


I’m single, and I write about being single, I write books and a column about my journey in this singledom, I run a large single support group online for singles, so being single, meetings singles, and hearing stories, are kind of my things. I’ve gotten to know so many other unattached and untaken people along the way. Time is a factor in the singles community. Why? Because, while most are looking for our forever love, many have decided enough is enough. They have accepted they will be single forever instead of swimming the dating sea of woes with the rest of us. Dating is exciting, awkward, and very confusing. So there is a measure of time one can do it, or that’s my working theory at least. I believe since time is different for everyone, then the amount of time one can bear doing something is different everyone. I once had a line in the sand. If a girl was single over 10 years, she was uncatchable. That line has disappeared now.


Matters of the heart are like snowflakes, different in every way for everyone. Some give off signals, saying, come get me, while others give off something less inviting. I like this because I believe in being who you are and letting people see the real you. Then there are those who say they’re ready, seem ready, and talk about how ready they are, but none of it’s true. Some know they are deceiving us, many do not. I believe that loneliness plays a part in this. I am attracted to women with kind hearts. None, I believe, would purposely hurt anyone. While there are those who thrive on spreading damage, chaos, and drama, these women do not. They are lonely and being with someone solves that, or at least, most of that. In the end, it can’t work because their heart is simply not ready, it may never be. Being single changes all of us in ways we never dreamed possible.


So today, I am pondering when it happens. When have you been on this journey so long that your heart can no longer be given to another? The answer of course is as unique as the aforementioned snowflakes. Your answer is different than my answer. I have moments where I fear my time is up, when I believe the possibility that I’ve loved my last, that my levels have been reached, that sharing me with my forever will never happen. Then I meet someone… Honestly, it’s usually someone from my past, someone I loved before, there have been three, and a forth that remains confusing. It’s at that point that I know, love expands, love is limitless, and love is always enough. Love is magical. Love, for me, is a miracle from my creator, freely given to me because He loves me, and knows I need to feel love again. We really are beautifully and strangely made. If love is a miracle then so are we, because love made us.


“Love is a gift, the value of it is soon forgotten, the price overlooked, and the value to our lives often unseen, cherish love, be open to love, and by all means, embrace it if it comes to you, many aren’t that fortunate”

– k stepp