By Kenneth Stepp
We all have “things” swimming around in our heads. Our minds are amazing machines. They can be like a computer and tap into information from our past and they can be a source of entertainment when finding new things to learn. But there are times when our minds can work against us. When we have something to say but know the words should be kept to ourselves. The conundrum begins here.
Things left unsaid would be a great title to the story of my life. Not wanting to say what is on my mind has never been my issue. I’ve always wanted to express myself completely but don’t. Words are my business and expressing myself goes along with that. So why would I ever hold back? Or is it simply backing off? The conclusion I came up with is that when I write, it’s just me writing alone. But when I am expressing myself to someone, it’s a shared conversation.
I write this about myself because I think this is a common thing in the singles community. Maybe in the entire human community. Saying what I feel or think is not always something I can do. Why would we hold back? Fear of rejection may be the biggest reason. Then there is the fear of hurting another person. Perhaps it could be to say what’s on our mind that we fear it would alter the relationship we have with that person. Maybe even rejection.
After reading the paragraph above, it seems fear is a factor in all the reasons I have. I believe that fear plays a role in all of our lives. Some fears are well founded and should be given great respect and many fears are simply holding us back from the future we will never know exists. The thought of that saddens me more than I can explain at the moment. But I withhold as most of us do. That future that might have been, is destined for the dustbin of what ifs.
I sit and wonder about the twists and turns my life has taken. I have so many regrets. I believe we all have many. If you find you are regret free, take an inventory of the decisions you’ve made in your life. Could you have made them in a kinder way? Perhaps even made them with others in mind more? We get one shot at life and doing it right is a lofty goal. Not understanding the future of a decision doesn’t help. And all decisions, large and small have futures.
Words fail me… In my past I have been very honest with others and my truth fell on deaf ears. This has happened to all of us from time to time. Less than 8 years ago I began writing on a very personal level. As time went on, I was able to express my words in writing, even when I wasn’t able to verbally. I am guessing that extra step simply removed from someone and that helped me with that. Face to face can be different from fingers on a keyboard.
We all have things, ideas, and stuff careening around in our minds. Some will eventually come out and some will die there. What might have been will never be. What could have been will be relegated to dreams. Finding lasting love will be like a small boat that hit the rocks too many times. Unfixable and never sailing again. This because things were left unsaid, unexpressed, and articulated only in the minds of us lost at sea people.
I’m told I write in code to a specific person. I’m not sure I do but Obviously have in the past. I want to write to some lost souls who simply want to make sense out of what happened to their lives. For me, there are times when I understand enough that my thoughts don’t haunt me. We all have dark days. Mostly because of choices we made. Many because of things left unsaid. “SAY IT!” This, perhaps should be our battle cry…