By Kenneth Stepp
I’ve heard, “timing is everything”, but is it? When someone says, I love you, what is the proper response? Most simply say, I love you too. But most really aren’t in love with the person who said that, saying I love you too, was just a common response. Is this being dishonest? Of course it is, but this is one of the many things wrong with dating these days, dishonesty is easier and more fun that truth. The act of uttering, I love you, can be exciting, hearing those words, can be intoxicating. The inevitable crash from them not being true, will be painful, confusing, and leave wreckage behind. Just a little more baggage on the pile.
“The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.” ― Shannon L. Alder
We search for love because we are compelled to. Of this, I am certain. I believe it is baked into our DNA to want love. However that looks to us in our heads, love is more important than most things in our lives. If you believe in a creator, and I do, I believe we were created to love and be loved. I believe when love is absent in our lives, we search for it. To what level or extreme, well, that depends on us. I am driven to search for love. It almost rules my life, my search is at the very core of who and what I am. I have actually changed me to be a better mate, I don’t want to lose my “person” again, like happened before. Should I find her, I want to keep her.
“The right thing, at the wrong time, is the wrong thing.” ― Joshua Harris
Desire… Now that’s a word that will get ahead of you. In my opinion, desire is one reason we tell someone we love them before we actually do. I dated a girl once who, on the third date, told me she loved me. I was new, I just came out of a 24 year marriage that ended painfully. I believed her. After all, why would a person say they loved me when they didn’t? I was naive and inexperienced in matters of the heart. Years would pass before realizing the damage that believing her caused. Looking back, it felt great, I had not been loved before, The thought that someone loved me unconditionally was energizing in a way that I still struggle to put into words.
“It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten.” ― Anna Wintour
So, is there blame to talk about? Not at all. She, at that very moment, believed she loved me and I believed I loved her. Her past damage and my past damage, caused a train wreck. And this is how it happens. Welcome to the new version of dating, things have changed. The longer we remain single, the more of these experiences we live through. The more of these experiences, the more damage, the more train wrecks. Having “survived” the pain of losing love, or what I believed was love, I decided to walk down the path of discovery. I wanted to know what happened. I had to know. My conclusion was that our love was basically a cloud, a mist, like a fog, it took the slightest breeze to blow it away. And in it’s absence, my search continued.
“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” ― David G. Allen
So, what is my conclusion? Unconditional love wins. It’s the remedy for what hurts my heart. Real, never ending, unconditional love. Once you’ve loved this way, it’s forever. My search isn’t to find someone to love on for a while, or to find someone who will tell me they love me, not even to share warm feelings with someone. Show me. Time tells the tale, steadfastness, faithfulness, loyalty, and endurance. Make me know that this time next year, we will still be a we. Words are free, yet come with a high price. Show me…