By Kenneth Stepp
Have you ever engaged in something important, found the way your coworkers or friends made it easy to do, then lose interest because it’s not as interesting as you originally thought? Stay with me, I’ll make my point soon. I think when we become single after many years of being inside a “Coupledom”, that we assume getting back out there will be like it was before we were a couple. When you saw it was different, I mean very different. You probably looked at how everyone else navigated these waters and thought, ok…
Things have changed. This is the way things work now. Then, like all the others you were emulating, you failed several times and were left in the place I found myself today. Not understanding how or why you failed. “We” failed because love can’t work in an atmosphere of me first. Love, or love that lasts, can only succeed in an atmosphere where you are serving someone, caring more for another than you do for yourself. Love is giving. Your heart, your actions, and your time. Dating today is all about what’s good for me. Ladies and gentlemen. That AIN’T love.
If you are dating to have fun, have someone to do things with, or for physical pleasure, I’m not talking to you. If you are trying to find someone to spend your life with, grow old with, and plan your future around, stop following the rules set up by those looking for something temporary. If you want permanent, act permanent. Most of us in the single community today will never find forever. That’s just math and history talking. None of those allowing temporary solutions to run their permanent journey will. It’s like trying to use a hammer to change the oil in your car. A hammer is useful, can be fun, and can make us feel powerful. But it will never turn that nut on the bottom of your oil pan. Finding real love is no different. It depends on what tools you have on your shelf and whether you want to use the right ones.
Love takes time. To know if love is real, it must be tested by time. I write about this all the time. You do not fall in love because someone tells you they love you. “I love you too”, is a terrible reply if it isn’t true. Love is active. These days, if a man asks you out on a second date, you might think that’s love. Maybe he just wants to get to that third date rule. When I first heard of the third date thing, I cringed. One’s sexuality is worth more than that. It isn’t something we should put on an egg timer and wait for. You’re an adult, act like one.
I have a close friend who went out with a guy she met online once. I encouraged her to go. She came home that night and said he was such a gentleman. He asked her out again. This time to his home. I told her that if you want to know if he’s a real gentleman. Tell him to pursue you over dinner out instead of his place. She did and he became rude and obnoxious. Said he already bought her a meal and she “owed” him. Wow! Just wow!
The slippery slope we have in front of us today is to not adjust our path because everyone else has. To not lower the standards we had before, because society has, to not accept a piece of glass when what we really want is a diamond. They may look similar. But glass is everywhere. Diamonds are rare and very special. Unique in their own way. So is my partner, should I be fortunate enough to find her. My smart, strong, independent princess. She is special. Real love is her goal as well. My vision isn’t unrealistic. It is to some. Maybe to most. But I’m not searching for some or most. My girl is one in billions. She will be overlooked by many, as I have been. Maybe misunderstood, like me as well. I have always thought that when our eyes met, we’d know. Romanticizing things may be my downfall one day.
“To have love, learn what love is. Sacrifice and servitude define love. Love is always in motion and it gives more than it takes, it is a God trait, treat it like one”
– Kenneth Stepp
Conformity to the worlds standards has consequences. If you are single, you are lost at sea. Love is your lighthouse. If you search using the world’s standards, you might can see the lighthouse for a moment, but you won’t see it’s uniqueness. You won’t recognize that this is your lighthouse.
God’s choice for you and you alone, may not be who you thought He’d send you. But who you need. The world offers options that distract. Other glimmers of light in the distant. Some brighter, and some more glamorous. Don’t turn and paddle away. Real is out there. Open your eyes. Some things are exactly what they seem to be. Real gems. Others are just glass, and have no real value. They can’t offer their heart. And in the end, that’s what you want. It’s why you are in the sea in the first place.