Single Again… The Player

Kenneth Stepp


Player. It’s not just a word if you are single and on the journey in search of true love. It’s a pejorative term by all accounts. If we say someone is a player it means someone who is not serious about dating. Just playing a game. They date around a lot, find and lose lovers daily, and cause a lot of pain along the way. Saying someone is a player is calling them callous and maybe even narcissistic. Being called a player indicates you are perceived as only interested in pleasing yourself. Both girls and guys can be players. I’ve heard the term a lot since becoming single again. Divorce or losing a spouse through death throws us out in unfamiliar waters. It can be quite intimidating. This I believe is where players are born.


Being single has been a trying time in my life. I’ve been on this journey over five years now and still can’t catch my breath. It’s as if every day we are asked to choose a path. One might have some temporary happiness. One pain and loneliness, another perhaps a new friend. I have experienced all these plus many more. These are what causes someone to become whatever it is they will be. Life is like that. You don’t have to be single to allow your experiences to shape who or what you are. I know when I began my singles journey I was naive and ill prepared for what lay ahead. This is an understatement. Right out of the gate, I fell madly in love and got slammed. This experience changed me forever. It’s why I write. That relationship has shaped my path in so many ways that I am still finding things it changed in me.


About sixteen months ago I took a year off. I just wanted to spend time on self discovery and better myself. Preparing myself for whoever she is. Or at least that was the plan. I thought I was a new and better man. And in some ways, I was. I jumped out and began dating again. It took a while, but I felt I was ready. Great gal, wonderful attitude. But like most fast burning relationships, it didn’t stand the test of time. I decided to make more friends and meet more people. Although my intentions were pure, my method was not ideal. I believed I went into some kind of a tailspin without even noticing.


I’m a flirt by nature. But that side of me ratcheted up ten fold. I wasn’t aware I was doing it any more than before. I am thankful for good friends. I have a new friend who in a back and forth messaging series told me I had “player characteristics”. First I felt defensive, then I realized she was right. Man what a sobering thought. Something I had always looked down on was now part of who I was. This is not a good thing.


So why am I writing this about myself? If this can happen in my life. It can happen in anyone’s life. I want to show that this could happen to you. And that “The Player” isn’t a person. It’s a personality trait that can be changed. Something that when identified can be worked on. The player can hurt others and brings nothing to the table except confusion and pain. We are all potential players. Any of us can wake up one day and discover our life has become all about us. Being single is a very confusing thing to be most of the time. I think honesty is what is needed. Some people, men and women, will stay single by choice, move from relationship to relationship. And that’s ok. Just be honest about what you want out of dating. Many of us, me included, want to find “The One”. For me this is the goal. Correcting my drift is now the short term goal. If you find yourself on a path that isn’t yours. It might be time to rethink your intentions. To right your ship so to speak. Do you know a player? Yes you do. Look in the mirror. At some point in time we can become one. Life is too short to judge them. I just don’t want to be one of them. Time to rethink, adjust, and get back out there.