By Kenneth Stepp
Is this our quest? The One…. What does that mean to you? To me it’s a mixed bag of personality traits, emotions, and big brain covered in flesh. Yea, it sounds weird. But That’s what it means to me. Having said that, I have found that mixed bag of personality traits change constantly. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought I knew exactly who I was looking for. I use to have these five things. And when I found the girl who had them all, my search would be over. But like most things I plan, I was incorrect. It turns out we humans have layers, some have more than others. A person can be all these five things and not be someone I could do life with. Attitude has a lot to do with it. I love sarcasm. But some have it in overwhelming amounts and it becomes mean-spirited. As someone who always wants to leave someone better than I found them, I can’t see me with someone who does the opposite, so the journey continues.
“Whatever he had found, it made him a better person. Maybe that’s what love was, finding the person who brings out the best in you and eliminates
― Diana Holquist
I have been told that I bring out the best in others. In counseling one of my past loves (ex Wife) said, he made sure I felt special every day, that I mattered, and that I was the center of his universe. Her words made me wonder how we got there. But people make choices, she did and I’m alone, it happens. And if being alone scares you, this journey will be even harder for you. The weak become very strong after years of swimming in these waters for sure.
So why do the ingredients for Ms Right keep changing? Experiences. A little secret about me that I hadn’t realized. I never break up with anyone. When I see potential I hunker down, lower all my defenses and go forward. Although that sounds like a great way to “go for it”. It has left me confused and somewhat damaged more often than not. Perhaps it’s time to be more reserved. Or maybe this is just the way things are always going to be. Gosh, I hope not.
“We cannot decide to love. We cannot compel anyone to love us. There’s no secret recipe, only love itself. And we are at its mercy–there’s nothing we can do.”
― Nina George
Yep. I suppose if it were possible to make someone love me back, I’d be married by now. But the rules say something other than this. I can say that I have certainly tried my best once in the years since becoming single again. Falling short can be painful. What I have found though is confusion is huge. I am always left wondering what happened. One day I have hope that my best will be enough. Just with someone with the “nice” trait. Someone who will focus on the good in me like I will her. Someone who will not dwell on the bad in me. We all have plenty. But I have learned to see the good and someway like magic, the bad fades out of the relationship. Oh well. Trying and failing is a big part of the journey.
“Finding love is like making creme brulee. It may take a few tries before you get it right.”
― Crystal Woods