By Kenneth Stepp
That proverbial needle in a haystack… On my journey towards forever, I’ve heard some interesting statements and questions. How are you still single? It’s easy for you to find a girl. She’s beautiful, she could have any man she wanted. When I first became single, I probably agreed in theory with the tone and the spirit of these words. I once had a friend who was beautiful. Seriously, 5 ft 9, blond hair, blue eyes, use to be a model, still could, smart, strong, independent. She was the complete package. Yet she was alone most of the time. Was it her choice? Let’s unwrap that quandary.
Let’s take myself as an example. I live in a state of about 11 million people, that sounds like a huge sea to fish in if I’m looking for my forever. But is it? I’m guessing there are about 3 million in my age range, about half are female, now 1.5 million, half are married, 750,000 now, about 600,000 of them actually want a man, still a huge sea to swim around in, right?
I have my faith and won’t partner with someone of another faith, now let’s say, 400,000. I only want a girl who wants to get married again. I’m guessing I’m down in the 200,000 range. I’m educated and intelligent, I want a girl that can keep up with me in a conversation, I’m probably in the 5,000 range at this point. I love art, theater, and history, I want a partner who will enjoy these things with me, we just dropped to 1000 or less I’m guessing.
Traits are important in a partner. Non Judgmental, kind, and a partner who would understand my work with the homeless and hurting, 200 should be about right. I have severe adult ADD, one of the worst cases in our hemisphere. I had an ADD coach, a medical doctor, wrote papers about my case, it was the most profound case he had ever seen. So a girl with amazing patience. I’m guessing I’m in the 25 range at this point. Now, let’s find one another attractive, I’m wondering if I’m down to my top 10 at this point. Add social standing (yes, it’s a thing), and there may be 7 left.
This is the math everyone has to live with, yet few consider. He or she looks good, so I’m going for it, is a crazy strategy, but it’s the one most go with. In a world where life, love, and new lovers are just a simple click away, out of my 7, how many will be strong enough not to get distracted by the next better looking, smoother talking, more interesting man? The internet just eliminated my 7. But my hopeful heart knows that was only 6. My one still stands, waiting…
To my single sisters and brothers, this journey isn’t easy, it will be confusing, and the odds are never in our favor. But that hope, that one. Mine is beautiful to me. Will I know her when we meet? Have we already met? I have always thought so. I wrote something once, I titled it, “I Know Her”. In it I described in great detail who she is, her traits, her heart, and how she will feel about me and I her. In January of 2019, I will have been single 6 years. I have met many amazing women during that time and many, if not most, are still my friend today. Love is such a tricky thing, a moving target, for me it seems. I thought I found her a time or two, but the near misses and confusion of moment, have me still here, not where I was. Today, I have knowledge, I have experience, and I know what I want.
She loves people, she loves her family, she is kind, smart, and has passion in her life. My girl is adventurous and fun, she sees life through the same hopeful filter that I do, she has the capacity to love another more than she loves herself, the way real, unconditional love does. Life has not made her cynical or bitter. In a word, she’s perfect. Or at least, my kind of perfect. I hope everyone that rides this train to Singleville, learns positive lessons from it. Don’t allow what others do to you along the way to cause you to lose who you are or stop wanting your forever. Hold hope as I do.
She’s amazing, do you see her? I can’t wait to leave the haystack behind, grab her hand and walk together towards the last chapter of our book. Love will grow, it will always grow. My dream is to hear her speaking with a friend or loved one, and say about me… That’s my needle.