By Kenneth Stepp
Are you single? Would you like to be part of a couple? “In” a relationship? This seems to be the goal these days for almost everyone in my world. Today I was asked if I was ready. It’s funny, I’ve been processing out of my last failure so long that I hadn’t stopped to question whether I was there yet. My answer was yes… I am ready. Ready for what was the question I asked myself later though. A relationship, dating, hanging out with someone, or marriage. More processing is in my future, not to mention, time, thought, weighing out “stuff”. If you are single and you did not lose your forever love to death, then like me, you’ve failed at 100% of your romantic connections so far. For this reason, you should always be willing to be in process mode. Going deep internally and knowing where your heart is. Otherwise pain for you and whoever you connect with will be a possibility.
“At the last moment she thought, I’m not ready.
But she already knew the answer to that.
Nobody was ever ready.”
― L.J. Smith
Coupling is a word I’ve heard a lot lately. It can mean so many things. From friends with benefits to marriage. For myself, I want forever. I want the fairytale. Some days I believe it exists, others I do not. Either way, it’s my pursuit. I loved being married. Wondering who I’d be with this time next year never came to my mind. She and I both knew we’d always be together, till death would us part. So what happened? Life happened. Two flawed human beings trying to fix far too much. We tried marriage counselors, pastor meetings, even a vacation to just be us. At the end of the day, we fell short. Do we have regrets? You better believe we do. But the past is gone, ships have sailed, and we can’t make one another happy again. Moving on is the only logical thing to do. But moving on without putting great thought into becoming ready for someone new is a recipe for failure. We must prepare ourselves for someone who will, if loved correctly, be more important to us than we are. A lofty goal that must be met before any hope of success in the next relationship.
“Until we are ready to let go of some things, bigger things don’t come to us.”
― Sunday Adelaja
Are you ready? We’re all ready for what’s next. Mostly because we are not content with what is. So what’s next must be better. This is how normal humans think, but few of us would ever admit to it. “I’m happy and whole alone”. I’m not and neither are the majority who utter these words. Becoming relationship material is what we should be working on. Working on myself. I love. I love deeply and I love with reckless abandon. I know the foolishness in that, but it’s who I am. I’m not alone in this either. I meet wonderful, vulnerable, beautiful people who have dusted off the damage and thrust themselves back out there, time and time again. These are the brave ones who refuse to give into the pain this journey inflicts on all of us. The confusion alone is enough for most of us. But on we will go. Relationship material… We all are to the right heart. We are never perfectly ready for love. Love is so powerful. You need to lose weight, gain a few pounds, work out to look better, fix your finances, get out of debt, etc, etc, etc. We sometimes believe the lie that we have to change this thing in our lives to be ready for love. Love happens and at any point in time, it can happen to you. Accept it, never let it go, fight for it, then fight harder. And if you ever wonder. It’s worth it, it’s worth it all.
“Love is not a maybe thing, you know when you love someone.”
― Lauren Conrad