By Kenneth Stepp
Wow, another “thing” about love. Is there anything that has not been said about love already? I consider myself to be a creative guy. But I’m not sure I have enough confidence in myself to state I can add one word to the narrative on love that hasn’t already been added. So maybe instead I’ll try to take the words inside my head and make sense out of them in writing. That might be a better use of my time and limited skills.
To me, love means more than the way I see others valuing it. I didn’t realize how precious love was until I found myself without it. Not having love in your life will change you. The way it changes you depends on how you handle not having it. For me, for the most part, it made me search harder for love. I became, at times, hyper-focused on Her. Who was she, have we met, and would my quirky personality work for her?
My journey began with a bang. I was told by friends to join an online dating site. I joined that day. OMG! There were thousands of women on there and my options were suddenly endless… If this story was on TV there would have been beautiful background music playing while I said that. Then as I excitedly mentioned my endless options. Well, that’s when the record player would scratch across the record. You see. Those options you see on there are actually people. And everyone of them have all the issues you have and then some. To say you must enter this strange new world with an abundance of patience and grace would be an understatement.
Now to explain what I learned while on this five plus year journey. Everyone says they want real love. Everyone thinks they know what real love is. And everyone thinks they are ready for real love. None of these things are true for the majority of people I met along the way. That wasn’t the most important thing I learned. But it was by far the most confusing. Let me explain why. Many have never had “real” love. Love that came without strings. I have loved three times in my life. I will always love those three people. That’s the way love works. Real love at least, unconditional, totally accepting, love.
It is my belief, through much study, pain, confusion, and people watching. That all real love is the same. You love your child unconditionally. Should you love someone you share no DNA with one day. It’s the same love, just different dynamics. Love is love, if it’s real at least. It took a lot of wrestling with life, love, relationships, and facts for me to reach this conclusion. But that is where I landed on love. Love is the most amazing thing this side of Heaven.
I learned this from one of my closest friends. Many years ago, I fell in love with her. I left her. And for years I could not get her out of my heart. She belonged there. She will always be there. Real love is time tested. We did not speak for decades. She got married, had kids, I got married, and had kids. One day we both found ourselves single again. This is where many would think. Finally! Two hearts became one. Great story, it just didn’t happen that way. We discovered the love was intact, but it became a strong bond that made an amazing friendship that will always be there. That love will always be there. Love never dies. It evolves. It becomes. It also accepts. Like I said. Amazing.
So many these days are looking for a partner who will be a compliant partner rather than a committed one. You cannot have both. A committed partner needs no rules to honor their partner. Someone forced into compliance needs no commitment. Instead they have rules to keep them honest. What do I mean? If they want compliance, they have rules that they have collected based on past relationships. If they were cheated on before, there will be rules to follow that will remove temptation from their new partner’s life. That is the price of their love. Pure compliance. Commitment simply becomes a word without meaning. Compliance voids the need for a commitment. So their love has a price. This never works. It can’t. Love cannot exist without freedom. Not real love anyway.
So how do we correct our path and prepare to receive love? We heal. Healing takes time. Everything valuable does. Stop dating, rethink, regroup, and heal. Love will come. Know it’s value. Know that real love never fails. Love for me is all encompassing. The thought of another is foreign to me. I do not require rules because I know the value of love. Love is more important that any feeling, thought, or act I may see in front of me. It is all I want and it fulfills me completely. You are all love love, amazing. Prepare your heart, heal, take as much time as you need. When the right person sees the real, ready for love, complete you. Let the fireworks begin…
“Many know the price of love. Few know the value of love” – Kenneth Stepp