Single Again… Perfect

By Kenneth Stepp

Perfect… What a strong word. Perfect means something different to everyone. And perfect is usually at the front end of a relationship. By the time we get to know someone, we realize they are just as human as the next person was. So perfect isn’t real, it’s a construct that draws us to someone and quickly changes to, we’re a match or we aren’t a match.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few perfect people. This isn’t a joke. In the end I thought in my head they were but later found they stood on feet of clay like everyone else. It may have even been unfair to think of them as perfect. But some shine a bit brighter than others and the glare can blind any of us from time to time.

I remember the first girl I met. I had been with my wife for 24 years and the last 6 had been so tense. Seldom if ever a kind word. I met her online, we shared many emails, texts, and phone calls. By the time we finally met, we knew so much about one another. We could just be together and be happy. She was perfect, then reality came. 

The next girl I met years later. I was a journeyman by then. I’d been writing about being single for years and felt I knew the lay of the land pretty well. We met in a singles group in Facebook. She was amazing really. 5 ft 10 and had eyes I could get lost in. Perfect in her own way. We’re still friends today. As a matter of fact, I still call her when I need to talk. 

I sit here in my den typing and I recall how I felt when I met these two amazing humans. One as a novice and the other as a knowledgeable single man. My mind was in a different place with both of them. Yet I was convinced that both were perfect at the time. The first girl I met was perfect because of my need to feel loved again. The second girl was perfect because of my need to find someone who understood me. Both were incredible humans.

I have met some amazing people since becoming single. In just a little more than 7 ½ years, my life and my attitude about life has changed so much. You see, meeting perfect people isn’t the only thing that changes us. Meeting the wrong people will too. Everyone we meet changes us inside. It may be so small we don’t notice or so large that their leaving leaves us devastated and damaged for good. Be kind, that should be our default.

Being single at a time in our lives where we never thought we would be can evoke so many thoughts in us. I believe I have experienced most of them. Despair, depressed, joyful, elated, panicked, even scared a little. We are all human and have human emotions. None of us can escape our own minds. We feel. What we feel depends on more factors than I can fit on this page. How we deal with those feelings is up to us and we must figure out what we allow in and what we do not. 

So today my thoughts are on the perfect person. I know that person doesn’t exist and I know I will continue seeing perfect in others anyway. You have at one time seemed perfect to someone and I probably have as well. But I still stand on clay feet like everyone else. We want so badly to love and be loved that we want that glare to blind us just enough to see and feel perfect again. Relax my friends. Perfect isn’t real but perfect for you is. 

Find that person you fit with. Compatibility and friendship will be the biggest part of it. It has taken me many near misses and rabbit trails to understand this. I don’t need bells and fireworks going off. I need a match. Someone who matches me in life, someone who has the same capacity to love as myself. Look for your perfect, don’t see what the world sees, see what draws you towards that person. Good luck in your travels through Singletown my friend.