Single Again… Overwhelmed

By Kenneth Stepp

Being single means we suffered a loss of some kind along the way. Perhaps many losses. For me, that would be the case. Some days, those losses pile up and we are reminded of them all at once. I say things hit us in waves. Yesterday was that day for me. It was overwhelming. 

Being reminded of our losses is uncomfortable. Especially when our wins are few. Being single feels so different than I imagined. Back before I was married, things made more sense than they do today. Life was more predictable. Dating was easier and people were less self centered than today.

They say change is a good thing. I say, it depends on how things changed though. I know that yesterday life was too full of regrets. I have those days every now and then. I believe we all do. I have too many friends who experience the same thing. What was different about yesterday? It was full of reminders of when life had purpose and I knew who I was. Today, I am seldom sure of anymore.

So what’s the answer? Find someone and settle down? The key word there is settle. Can I have love? I want passion, real love, and chemistry so strong it becomes what overwhelms me. I don’t want to simply exist with someone. I want desire and a complete life. Is that too much to expect again? 

Being single at a time in life when you thought it would be impossible is more complex, requires more energy, and comes with a ton of regrets. Remorse over past decisions are part of the package. Having said that, we cannot change the past. We have today and today will have to be enough. And it should be. 

I’m always searching for ideas when I get like this. One friend suggested working out, another, prayer, still others suggested doing for others. All are great ideas and part of my life already. I believe we all have days where the day is too long, the memories too vivid, and the path is a bit darker than other days. Having a plan to cope with such times is a great plan though.

Staying busy, having a purpose, and knowing I’m not alone in this helps a great deal. Writing is therapy for me and I’ve been told it helps others as well. I have several friends that journal. Perhaps that is almost the same thing except I journal in public. At any rate, it all helps.

Being kind and showing kindness are two things we should always do. We are all out here trying to navigate the same obstacle course. Most of us feel somewhat alone even though there are others surrounding us. Use kindness as your default attitude. It will serve you and others well in the future. 

Well, time to wrap up my thoughts and wish you all the luck in the world. If you’re having a bad day, leave, go riding, call family, do something other than sitting still in your thoughts. It works for me. I head north about 30 miles and I’m riding through beautiful mountains. If it’s a lake that brings you peace, find one. 

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