By Kenneth Stepp
Exclusivity… Does it have a place in your life? Is it a relationship goal? Is it even possible these days? I will try to unwrap this for all of us. Stories are plentiful about unfaithful partners. It wasn’t until it happened to me that I realized how hurtful it was and the damage it can cause.
I dated a girl a little over a year ago who I believed was my forever. She claimed to love God, said all the right things, seemed very genuine, and made me want to be a better person. It was perfect… This is where the needle gets dragged across the record. Although we had the exclusivity talk. She couldn’t pull it off. It does explain why she had no time for us.
Now, I just want to understand monogamy better. Why would we want monogamy and how do we pull it off? Why is that it is simple but layered. First, disease. I do not want to be intimate with a girl who is sleeping around, it’s dangerous and potentially life changing if the worst case scenario happens.
Add to that the emotional side of finding out someone you care enough about to be intimate with was also intimate with someone else. Although I was never intimate with the aforementioned lady, I had given her a piece of my heart.
Caveman Brain. This is what I call the intellectual void in so many singles heads these days. The distractions are many. I’m a mature male with an average life and am pretty average period. Yet the distractions that come my way are at times, waves.
If I had the caveman brain, I’d be chasing all of them. Many, if not most, have that brain. They can act sincere, honest, and dedicated. They just cannot actually live it. So secrets are formed, lies are told, and hearts will inevitably be broken. Some are damaged forever.
Our lives aren’t like they were 30 years ago. We have cell phones and internet, shoot, we have cell phones with internet. I believe these and all the social media has eroded the chance of having a monogamous relationship. It hasn’t ended the chances, but it has absolutely, lowered the odds of staying faithful.
I read a guy’s timeline the other day. I was asked to by a friend that was thinking about dating him. He’s 5 ft 6, weighs about 300 pounds, makes very little money, and isn’t much to look at. Yet, the ladies comment on all his post. Hi Tom, you look great Tom, when you coming this way Tom? Distractions…
What I have found is that without certain traits, monogamy is impossible. Integrity, a strong will, and determination to give a relationship all you have, you will have little to no chance at having an exclusive relationship and even a smaller chance at finding forever love because of it.
I think deciding who you are before entering into a relationship is the most important decision you can make if you are searching for forever. I had to. I want to love and be loved, real love, not, I love pizza kind of love. I want to have a faithful partner in life, that means I must be faithful.
I want my girl to be loyal to me, so I will first show her how loyal I am and she can feel safe enough after seeing who I am to be who she is. Walls down, heart exposed. Transparency is key. If I am not comfortable telling you the whole truth, we aren’t a match.
To all of my friends on this singles journey with me, I hope you really look deep within your heart. You shouldn’t expect or ask for monogamy, if you can’t practice it yourself. If you can’t, stay single, enjoy dating, and live your true life your way.
To my friends that only want one last partner. Know the traits that make you the person who deserves a faithful partner, be that kind of person. Raise and hold your standards high and your standards will find you.