Single Again… Journey’s End

By Kenneth Stepp

 

They say all things end. So this journey of mine does have an ending. Mine will end in one of two ways. Will l find her? My Her, or I will no longer exist. The journey is full of obstacles. The longer we continue, more risk, more risk means lowered defenses. Lowered defenses mean more hurt, damage, and pain, more mistakes and more near misses. We walk this path carrying all these experiences around like luggage. It truly is baggage. Add that to the fact that most everyone I have met, defined love very differently than me. I think it’s important to agree on something so important. If real unconditional love is there. We will be a priority to one another.

 

“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you’re headed”

Jodi Picoult

 

Have you prepared for your soul mate to arrive? I have, as best I can. Monthly bills are very low, my life has little “clutter”. And a day doesn’t go by that I am not working on me. I’ve even arrived at a title for my last article about dating, “When Love Comes.” I’m hoping our timing is in sync. That, I believe, is as important as anything. I believe I met someone before that because of timing, we both remain alone. Never to be what we could have been. Maybe even what was meant to be. Experiences like this one leaves you hollow inside and guarded in a way that is difficult to get past.

 

“Loving someone and having them love you back is the most precious thing in the world.”

Nicholas Sparks

 

The key to this quote is having them love you back. That’s where one’s definition of love is important. If you are not a priority, they just like saying those three words, “I love you.” Finding a mate who has their actions lined up with their words, that’s the goal, isn’t it? Love is to be lived, not just mentioned. Being single at this stage in life has its perks though. I answer to no one. I live life on my schedule. I go where I want and do what I want. Of course. I would happily give all this up to do life with my forever love. I know it wouldn’t be perfect. But it would be the ultimate adventure, wouldn’t it?

 

“True love will triumph in the end—which may or may not be a lie, but if it is a lie, it’s the most beautiful lie we have.”

John Green

 

I struggle with the thought that I know her. In my heart of heart, I believe I do. Was it unrequited? Timing off? Did we mess something up? Or one day will a perfect strange walk into my life and never leave? As I wander and wonder, I hope answers fall from the sky one day. Until then my journey will continue and my dreams will be filled with the ending I pray for. I see us doing so many things together. I know we will cause one another to grow a little, that’s my dream. What does the end of your journey look like? Define love. Find one that matches yours. Many just can’t define it because they lost the ability to give it somewhere along the way. Don’t let yourself do this. Expose your heart to others and you will always have the capacity to love again.

 

“If you love someone but rarely make yourself available to him or her, that is not true love.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

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