Single Again… Finding My “Her”

By Kenneth Stepp


As I wrote the title, I chuckled. I have no idea how to find my “forever”. I receive emails all the time wanting advice in matters of the heart. It is humbling because the more I delve into the makeup of real love. The more I realize I don’t have answers for. To me, it seems like an impossible goal. To know more, is to know less. Science is like that. The more they learn about, well, anything, the more they realize that they know less than they thought they did about the subject.


My romance record is in the neighborhood of 0 – 700. Meaning I have about 700 losses and no wins. So my advice should be taken with that grain of salt everyone talks about. I’m not alone either, other than the widows I’ve met, all the girls have records that match mine. No wins. Yet, we are still stepping into the ring for another round. Where does all that hope come from? The best I can figure is that it must be hardwired into all of us. Programming of sorts.


What makes a person “perfect” for another? This one I actually know the answer to. It’s love. Yep, the same love I can’t stop talking, thinking, writing, and dreaming about. Real unconditional love, not third date, “I love you” stuff. But the only real love in the universe. The kind that lasts forever, it endures, it sees no faults or flaws.


What a wonderful thing to experience. I have interviewed over two hundred women about this subject. I am convinced of two things after much studying. One, every person thinks they have the capacity to love unconditionally. Secondly, very few actually do. One reason is a product of the dilution the term “Love” has been subjected to. Most can’t even define real love. I have heard, it’s an intense feeling, you miss them all the time, can’t get enough of them, etc. All may be true on some level. But none defines unconditional love at all.


I have hope. That really is all it comes down to. I really have hope, that I will find “her”. Have I met her? I “hope” I have is all I can say. Have I been wrong about it before? In spades. But, I just keep plugging along as if I had a perfect plan to find Miss Perfect. I have said in the past that I have stopped looking, trying, and hoping. All three are lies of course. I’ll never stop. If you are single, you won’t either. If you aren’t single. Stop that.


  1. I think that the key to finding your Bashert is to keep looking and I believe it will happen.

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