Single Again, Dreaming Of The Day…

By Kenneth Stepp

We all have dreams, goals, and things we want to achieve. For many of us swimming in the sea of singles, those things involve finding someone very special. That other human who will complete us, wander with us, and do life with us. In this progressive world, where saying you want someone to complete you is looked at negatively, I stand and admit, that’s me. I am incomplete. There, I can say this because after over 6 years of processing this singles thing and how it has impacted my life, I know this about myself.

How did everyone get so strong? This situation reminds me of a story. My youngest son was 6, I think. We had a huge back yard, woods, creek, and it was spooky at night. It was dark and I heard a noise, it sounded like a bear. I grabbed my rifle and started out the door, my son asked if he could go. Sure son, as we walked in the dark, I told him I thought I heard a bear, he asked, what do they eat? Before I could say another word, he said, not little boys. I laughed and stored that story to use as an analogy today. When someone asks a question about finding a soulmate, finding someone to complete you, of needing a partner. Inevitably someone comments, I am complete, I don’t NEED anyone. I look at their comment the same way I saw my child that night. Talking yourself into something, doesn’t mean it’s true.

I’m a retired professional fighter, big, strong, and terribly independent. I need nothing from anyone. If I want a date, that’s easy, sex, that’s easy too, money, I have all I need, I can cook too. Here’s the thing. I am still not whole. Something large is still missing from me, there is a void and it’s of a size that I can only believe is half of me. Anyone on the outside looking in would think, he needs nothing and no one. My roommate is my best friend, we interact daily, we have dinner together most nights, so what is missing from my life? Love? It has to be, I have companionship, I have enough of everything I need. My heart was designed to be stitched to another. And she will be magnificent. I smiled as I wrote that word, magnificent. So underused is daily conversation these days.

When asked about my search, I respond with, I’m working on it, and recently working diligently on it. I’m not always working on this at all. I’ve been single for over 6 years, and of that time, I have taken almost half of it off from looking for her, my her. I tend to pour all of me into my search and a relationship when I am in one. That way, if we make it, it will be because we tried hard, if we don’t, well, we tried. Do you have rules or guidelines for when you are in a relationship? I do. If I am not comfortable telling you the truth, you are not her. Honesty is the foundation to any relationship, romantic, friendship, or business. Say what is, not what we think the other wants to hear.

Today I am dreaming while I’m awake, I do that at times. I dream of a day when I absolutely know there is a permanent person in my life, someone I love and she loves me back. I’m smiling again… I’ve written about her for years, even thought I found her once. Life has a funny way of teaching us how little power we really have. For those superhuman people who need no one, and are the captain of their own ships, I salute you. I know there are people out there like that, but far fewer than say they are. I believe we were created to care about things other animals don’t care about. Our hearts break, we are fragile, we hurt easily. I’m not saying we are weak. I believe the ability to love unconditionally makes me a superman. If I were honest, I’d tell you that my girl may not wear a cape, but I know she has one…

Strap yourself into this roller coaster and hold on for dear life. The ups and down will be many, one moment you will scream because you’re happy, the next because you are scared to death. It’s just a ride, enjoy it, at least you are feeling something.

“Life is always funny, till it isn’t, live full on” – k stepp