By Kenneth Stepp
Wow! That title sounds needy doesn’t it? But think past the needy sound and look to the human condition behind it. We all need to be rescued, we all want to be rescued, we all look for a hero to bounce into our lives and save us. I know there are those who will find my idea to be silly or weak. I believe it’s true even though it grates on the very fabric of who I want to be and who I have been making myself over the years. My reinvention of me is nowhere near completion, but I’d like to think the neediness I sometimes experience would become less with each passing day. But my heroine is real, she is trying to find me as well. How long?
“I’m oxygen and he’s dying to breathe.”
― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me
Can it be that she will be not only who, but what I must have to survive? Is that possible? I’ve heard people talk about someone completing them. Is that even a thing? I know I have my moments when I am lost without her. I know her heart, just not her name. I suppose there have been times when I have projected her onto others. It wasn’t fair to either one of us, but it happened and it happens to everyone. Our brains fill in gaps for us because as humans, we must know “everything”. So when we meet someone, they have certain qualities we desire in our mate, we overlook the ones that do not, and our brains fill in the gaps where we overlooked them. Abra Cadabra! The perfect mate, the one, in my case, My Her. After an amount of time that is different for everyone. Reality sets in…
“My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you.”
― Stephanie Laurens, The Edge of Desire
All I want is you. It’s true. You… Who are you? When are we going to be us? Do I know you? Have we met? I did not expect this to be so hard, so confusing, and take so long. What an arduous task this has been. I have held the idea for a very long time that she has the content of my heart deep inside of hers, and that we will know the second we meet. The chemistry will compel us to pursue one another once our hearts meet. Even if we know or believe we shouldn’t. For whatever reason. Maybe we have very different lifestyles. Or we like very different things, have different goals, or dueling beliefs. What if none of that matters? What if love really does win? How can I miss her and not know who she is? Or do I?
“i felt her absence. it was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. you wouldn’t need to run to the mirror to know they were gone”
― James Dashner, The Scorch Trials
Love can be elusive. It has been for me. I love freely with an unabandoned simplicity. If you’re her. I’m here. It really can be that simple. We complicate everything far more than we need to. In a world full of damaged people. We build walls to keep the hurt out. What else are we keeping out? Have I built walls too? I’ve noticed them lately. With each passing painful moment I fear I may be getting farther away from her rather than closer. It’s a sobering thought. My girl doesn’t wear a cape, but she makes me feel safe, my girl cannot fly. But when I am with her my heart will. My girl will just be human. But having her with me will make me feel far more than that. Maybe it’s true. She really will be my heroine. She really will rescue me.
“You know, life fractures us all into little pieces. It harms us, but it’s how we glue those fractures back together that make us stronger.”
― Carrie Jones, Entice
I’m lost my love. Come find me…