Single Again and Finding Forever

By Kenneth Stepp

 

Comedian Lewis Black has a bit about candy corn candy. He tells the story about every year, as Christmas time is upon us, he sees candy corn . He hates it. Yet every year it draws him in. He looks and it looks good. He tastes and he spits and begins cursing. He knows his reaction before he picks it up, but it looks so good. Forever has become my candy corn. The thought of it is appealing. Wonderful even. So much so that when I get close I must have a taste. And every time… It’s awful. You see the thought of forever is amazing. Having someone to love who loves me back forever. That looks awesome. But the reality of it is this: Every “forever” relationship I have had throughout my entire life has failed or ended in some way. If you are reading this, welcome to the club. Candy Corn Anonymous. The good old CCA. “There’s never going to be someone else,” he says, shaking his head.

 

“You’ve wrecked me. I wouldn’t be any good to anybody now—except for you.” ― Emm Cole

 

The above quote sounds romantic. Well, at one time it probably was. But the reality of dating, for those over forty years old, is that someone else wrecked us years ago, meaning we are becoming someone’s candy corn. We look good, maybe even great. We’re fun, smart, energetic, and not boring at all. But the closer someone gets to that piece of our heart, our heart that experienced the damage from the prior wreck, we go through some or many things. Most begin to sink the relationship. I honestly believe we aren’t aware we are doing this. We allow small, even tiny things to bother us about the one knocking at our heart’s door. I have witnessed it first hand. Then, after being wrecked because of it, I caused wrecks of my own. It spreads. It is given to us, then we give it to another. This occurs until everyone our age, on this journey, is infected with pain from this accident. And it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s like gravity. It just is.

 

It’s funny. My cynical mind is changing. I’m not sure it’s a cycle or the real changing of my mind. Why? Because I woke up this morning feeling hopeful. I haven’t done that a long time. I am hopeful once again that there might be someone who will fit in my life and I in hers. Hopeful that when I write about candy corn I am wrong. Hopeful that my forever love is close. Hopeful…. Just hopeful. When, who, how? No idea. All I know is hope is growing in me and hope can and does make things happen. It all begins within. I believe that. And within me is hope. For that I am so grateful.

 

“Love is forever, when you love deeply it is always there, just waiting to appear with gentle coaxing. In its silence it whispers, find me” ― Bluenscottish

 

Today I will do that one thing all of us should do . . . Make the next right step. The step to prepare for her arrival. To once again lower my walls and expose my heart in hopes of someone guarding it for me. Someone who will accept love as well as give love. She will be called my “Forever Love.”