Single Again… Lost

By Kenneth Stepp

Recently I saw a video on a social media site about a guy who went out on a small boat alone in the Atlantic Ocean. Before you ask, his boat was not the SS Minnow. He was just an average man who wanted to enjoy a day on the water. He stayed out most of the day, his boat came apart and began to sink. He took his life vests and fashioned some sort of a makeshift craft of some kind and took the plunge. He recalled a very lost feeling as he watched the sea claim his boat, he remembered thinking it sank so quickly after a certain amount of time. It only took a couple of hours before desperation set in. I’ve never been lost at sea, but I know that feeling of desperation all too well…

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”
― George Bernard Shaw

The video depicting this poor man’s plight was a pretty good picture of how a hopeless romantic goes through life as a single person in search for their soul mate. The highs are very high, and the lows are so deep. One day you believe your soulmate is staring back at you. The next day you find yourself questioning every little detail about them. Whoever coined the phrase, “life isn’t fair”, deserves an Emmy and slapped at the same time. You hate hearing it, but know it’s true. Today, life really isn’t fair, it won’t be tomorrow either. At least not my life. Today I woke up doubting everything. No idea what is the next right thing to do, and asking too many unfair questions in my head about those who own pieces of my heart. Unfair to them indeed. They are amazing and I’m just drowning in this deep blue sea, And now I’m even getting tired of this metaphor…

“In this world, it is too common for people to search for someone to lose themselves in. But I am already lost. I will look for someone to find myself in.”
― C. JoyBell C.

As I watched the story unfold about this man, it struck me as I watched his actions evolve. When his boat went down in front of him, things were urgent. He paddled frantically for a while, and then, as if the Heavens parted and he received a message from God. He stopped. Why? Because he realized the situation was out of his control. First he looked very scared as he just laid back on the life vests. Then after the hours had ticked by, his face was more resolved. He accepted that his life was completely out of his control and he had to accept the worst case scenario, he may not make it. The only thing that could save him was time. And time was slipping away. It’s a different kind of lost, the feeling of just letting go. Was he trusting the fates? Or saying ok to whatever fate befalls him? He never said really. In an interview after the horrifying experience, he just said he was thankful to have made it home. Have you ever been there in a relationship? The feelings are the same, at least for me and I doubt I’m alone, we all hurt the same way, pain is pain.

“Weeping is not the same thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it’s over, you feel like you don’t have any bones left to hold you up.”
― Sarah Ockler

Today was a day I ran away from myself. I imagine that someway, the man at sea, did that in his mind. I did it in my truck. We all run. We all experience pain. And if you have ever loved, you’ve danced with the confusion that comes with that as well. Today I am leaning back on those life vests and waiting. Will I be rescued or lost at sea forever? All I know is that I jumped into these waters willingly. I’d do it again tomorrow. Why? Because I am in love with her and have to find her… Have I met her? Do I know her? Did I miss her? Have you ever wished you could shut your mind off?