Life After Divorce… What To Avoid

By Lindy Earl

Life after divorce is just plain hard.  You wake up and, basically, feel like a reject.  After all, you’ve been rejected, and in a most public manner.  From now on you have to check the small box next to the word ___ Divorced.  Ouch!

For the first six months, you don’t even know how broken you are.  You may not even feel especially broken.  But, as you look back, you will see that you were.  And, when you look at others as they enter the Divorced Field, you will see how broken they are.

In time, you will be ready, even willing, to date again.  When you do, there are things it is best to avoid.

First, as you now realize that people are broken right after a divorce, you need to avoid getting involved with anyone who is newly divorced.  They don’t mean to be, but they can be hurtful, just due to lack of experience in this new arena.

Definitely avoid the people who are separated, and especially those who are separated but claiming divorced.  They aren’t being honest with themselves, their spouse, or you.  Stay away!

Avoid the arrogant, which you would want to do even if they weren’t divorced.  Who needs someone in their life who thinks they are better than you?  Egos be gone!

Distance.  I met a gentleman who took me under his wing when he learned it was my first day on a dating site.  He had asked me what I thought of the site, and I replied that with fewer than 24 hours of experience I preferred to refrain from commenting.  He was off with all kinds of accurate and helpful advice, all from the man’s side.  One of the things he said, and I’ve found to be true, is to avoid dating people who live too far away.  I’m not talking about Nebraska to Georgia, although we do hear about those amazing matches.  I’m talking about a 45 minute drive without traffic.  He told me that a man will willingly drive at the beginning of a relationship, but his interest dwindles quickly due to distance.  It’s best to just avoid it from the beginning.

People who are too eager to be in a relationship are better off alone, which is ironic since it’s the exact opposite of what they want.  I’ve been on meet ‘n greets that were basically interviews to be their next spouse.  If someone is that eager to be in a relationship, there is something amiss.  Walk away.

Finally, it’s important to find someone who is at a similar stage of life.  For instance, if you have elementary aged children, and his are in college, you’re probably not a match.  Again, in the beginning things may be good, but in time, you will hear that he’s already done the band concerts and little league games.  He wants more of your time than you honestly have to give.  If, however, you and your significant other have children the same age, then you can individually have homework nights and not feel like you’re missing something.  It also gives you permission to enjoy each stage of your life, without someone suggesting that they want more from you.  Stick with people in your general stage.

Are there exceptions? Of course!  Still, it’s best to go with your gut.  If it feels wrong, it probably is.  It’s better to be alone for a little while and wait for the right one.

One more point: as it’s best to avoid these people, it is equally important to not BE one of these people.

That’s Life After Divorce.

                Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book.