Life After Divorce . . . I Am a Warrior

By Lindy Earl

What image does the word Warrior conjure in your mind?  Muscular and lean? Always ready, spear in hand? Sleeping with one eye open, ready for any attack?

I don’t want to be a warrior, but I am one.  I’m a warrior because life has made me a warrior.  I graduated and needed a job.  I became a warrior.  I found a job ad became a warrior to be the best worker I could be.

Time passed and I married and became a mom.  I became a warrior for my kids.  There is no power this side of hell that can match the protective nature of a mother for her babies. The marriage ended in divorce, and I became even more of a warrior.  I fight for work. I fight to pay bills. I fight to make myself take time off. I fight because I fight. I fight for house and the projects that have to be accomplished.

Now, people use lovely euphemisms to describe me – “You’re so disciplined.”  “You are such a strong woman!” That’s all well and good, but the truth is that I DON’T WANT TO BE A WARRIOR!

You probably don’t especially want to be a warrior, either.  Or, if you do want to be a warrior, you’d rather have a tribe with you, or at least one partner to fight your battles with you.  Guys, I can’t say if this is as true of you. The strong women I know personally are all strong because life has made them strong.  Life has knocked them down and they tightened their abs getting up time after time.  Life kicked them in the ribs, and they strengthened their arms pushing back. Life gave them jab after jab, and they improved their eyesight, on the look out for the next punch.

Sadly, some people get hardened through this.  Others, however, even while they are tough on the outside, remain soft on the inside, ready for someone to take their weapons, and insist that they let their guard down.  And the truth is, it’s what many women warriors desire – to have someone help us carry our load.

Like you, I’m not a warrior because I choose to be.  I am a warrior because life has required it of me, too.  I realized how true this was recently when I received the following note after one of my columns was published . . . “I want to take care of you and make your life easier . . . I wish I could jump in the car and just be with you.  I know you’re very strong but I wish you didn’t always have to be so strong.”

That’s exactly how I feel!  I wish I didn’t always have to be so strong.  It’s not fun, and it’s not what I am called to be.  I’m called to rely on someone.  To have a person share, and really double my joys and half my sorrows.  To have someone to talk about decisions and what’s happening.  I think every woman was made for this type of relationship.  Meanwhile, there are men who were created to be the other half of this type of relationship.  The strong one, the protector, the one on whom the women can rely. It’s two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that are meant to fit together, but life and society and selfishness and divorce have beaten up the pieces until they no longer fit.  The question now becomes, will your piece, your strong, warrior piece, ever fit into another piece of the puzzle?  And, if so, will you ever find that missing piece?

Sadly, it’s not in the cards for everyone.  So, if life has made you into a warrior, then grab your spear and take your defensive stance.  I hope you do not remain a warrior forever, because I don’t believe it’s where you belong.  Still, if you have to be a warrior, be the best damn warrior you can be.

That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book and join the group,  Single Again: From Devastation to Dating, on FB.