Life After Divorce . . . First Thoughts

By Lindy Earl

What’s your first thought when you wake in the morning?  If you’re in a healthy relationship, it’s very probable that your first thought is about your significant other.  What a lovely way to wake!

When I was first divorced, my first thought, every morning, for months, was . . . “I’m divorced.  I’m a failure.”  That was not a lovely way to greet the day.  Time does help heal all wounds.  So, in time, I slowly got past my first thought of the day focusing on failure.

It took me years to begin dating again, but I slowly found my way.  As I’ve had both good and bad dates, and dated both good and bad guys, I’m slowly learning what I want from a future relationship.  In a sentence, I want to be someone’s first thought.

When my significant other, whomever he may eventually be, wakes up, I want him to immediately think of me.  I want my face to enter his mind and I want him to smile as he thinks of me, as I think of him when I wake.

When something bad happens at work or with his family (not that I want something bad to happen, but in reality, bad things happen), I want his first thought to be of me.  I want him to run to me so I can listen and I can comfort him; and I want to run to him when my bad things happen.

When something really awesome happens, at work or home, I want his first thought to be of me – that he can’t wait to share the news, knowing that I will be as excited as he is, and I will be excited for him and with him!

When a holiday is coming, I want my significant other’s first thought to be of me.  What are my holiday traditions?  How can he share his traditions with me?  Where will we spend the holiday and what new traditions can we start?  My first thoughts will be of him as I contemplate holidays together.

When it’s a birthday – his, mine, a child’s, or a grandchild’s (yes, I’m of that age), I want his first thought to be of me.  How should we celebrate?  Who should be included or should it be a celebration for two? Should we do something traditional or something brand new?  And I will consider him first on special days.

Speaking of brand new, when my significant other has an opportunity to do something new, maybe a sport or a trip or even a movie, I want his first thought to be of me – how we can share the experience together?  How we can plan together to make it a memorable first time experience? And my first thoughts for new adventures will be of him – what would he think? Will he enjoy it?

When he needs a break in the middle of the day, I want his first thoughts to be of me.  What am I doing right now?  Could I be thinking of him?  How long until we see one another again? As my thoughts in the middle of the day will be of him.

When looking forward to the weekend, I want his first thoughts to be of me. What would I enjoy? What would we enjoy together? I want him to plan with me and around my likes and my schedule, as I will plan around his.

And, finally, when it’s time for bed, I want his last thought to be of me, and of us, and how tomorrow, there will be another day together.

That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book.


  1. Beautifully written, Lindy. I like you believe that true love is intentional while being automatic almost similar to a reflex I also believe that looking out for the other person in a relationship is one of the keys to its success. I find myself thinking a great deal about my expectations of not just my future partner in crime, but also of what expectations I need to have of myself.

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