Life After Divorce . . . Brutal Honesty

By Lindy Earl

I am tired of immature people.  Look, you read the title, right?  I am getting right to my point.  Immature people will react versus respond.  They say the first thing that comes to their mind, too often without thinking about who may be hurt by their words.

Immature people talk about what they will do or won’t do, but they do not necessarily follow through.  If you’re angry with your roommate or Significant Other or sibling or best friend, and you want to rant to me (yet again) all about it, and you tell me that you’re done – THEN BE DONE!  Cut these people out of your life.  Barring that, do me a favor and cut me out of your life, because I am tired of immature people who talk a lot and do little.

I am tired of the people who have an opinion on everything whether or not they have any idea what they are discussing.  I have heard people make up facts to support their opinions, which are easily checked and repudiated.  A world with Google in it is not the time to make up data.

It is time for people to talk less and listen more.  I will listen to your entire work history and what you are doing today, but have the manners to at least ask me what I do for a living. After an hour of hearing someone talk I want to hand them a Bill for Services Rendered and charge them, as a Therapist.  A conversation is a two-way dialogue, not your dumping your life story and problems on me.

These same people are the ones who make every conversation about themselves.  You know, the guy who returns to work after paternity leave, and while most of his colleagues want to hear the stories and see the pictures, some person in the room has to top everything with stories of their children.  You are NOT that important!  Stop it.  Let the conversation be about someone else once in a while – or even more often than that.

Some people need to check their attitude.  They are always in crisis or a bad mood.  Any small thing, like traffic or not finding a parking place, can set them off.

How do we avoid these people? We don’t.

Some of these people have been in your life for a while and will probably stay there.  You may be related to them.  You probably love them.  You are choosing to tolerate their moods and tantrums.

Others you can try to encourage – let them know that life gets better.  Traffic won’t be there forever. Offer them kind words and a hug.  Cheer them up.  But you know very well that they will return and need your full attention all over again soon.

Some people will naturally go by the wayside, especially if you make yourself less available or take control of conversations and events.  Yep, you can cut them out of your life, and I encourage that, by not answering the phone. Or, answer, but take control of the conversation and make it about you.  They will probably leave you. Let them go!

Others you will refuse to let in as soon as you realize that they are takers.  You do not need any more petulant people in your life.  You are wise to not accept a new friendship with a person who is just a taker.

Is it selfish to not allow these people in our lives? Not at all.  I have to protect myself and you need to do the same.  We have limited resources: limited time, limited energy, and limited amount of complaints we can tolerate hearing. We can’t expend all our energy on these people.  Self-care is exactly that.  If you spend all your time and energy on immature people then you have nothing left for yourself and that’s unhealthy.

So, immature people, you have some choices to make.  Put on your big guy pants and act like the adult you are or find someone else who is willing to tolerate your behavior.  In total brutal honesty, you are going to lose more friends than you find if this behavior doesn’t change.

That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.

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