Dating After Divorce “forgotten”

ghosts hand

By Kenneth Stepp


Have you ever been forgotten? Or felt forgotten?  I can remember many investments I have made in people. Monetary, mentoring, and emotional. I wonder at times if they ever think back on the relationship we had. In the singles world. I believe there is too much forgetting going on. One day we are together. The next, completely and utterly gone. Forgotten? I think so, how can feelings be so strong and consume our thoughts for a measure of time, then nothing? I’ll mark this one unknowable. My mind drifts back to everyone I have ever known. I still think of friends from school when I was a teenager. Most memories are fond and heartwarming for me.


Forgetting… Is this where ghosting came from? When we want to forget someone, now it’s ok to ignore them? I recently had a close friend go out with a guy four times, this is once a week for a month. One day he just disappeared. My friend is strong, independent, and very logical. Although she never said that much about it, I know it hurt. Why people do this is still a mystery to me. Respect, kindness, and the offering of any dignity has become passe. Has basic human kindness vanished from our list of social norms? If so, when did they leave? If I meet someone and we have a decent conversation then I owe them something. Even writing that sounds odd, but it’s still true. I owe them at least a, thank you for your time. That’s at the very least.


Being single these days looks more like a career, a lifestyle, or this massive quest for something mythical. For me, I was with my wife for twenty four years. At no time did the thought of ever being single enter my mind, until the day I was. Hey everyone. That isn’t easy to process. Then after becoming single I find the rules have changed. I found I could meet a wonderful, warm, smart, and beautiful woman with a beautiful soul and enjoy her company for as long as I want, and then act as if she no longer exists…. Who on Earth said this was ok?


“The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive”

Albert Einstein


Kindness is a word I mention so often. It seems to be a forgotten concept. My generation, for the most part, accepted kindness as a part of being a good person, my father considered it a large component to being a man. Yet these days a man can speak for a while to a woman, finally meet, and never speak again. Something is wrong with this picture. Society has either accepted defeat or lost it’s way, either way, I refuse to be a part of this phenomenon. I’m a member of a singles support group on Facebook. I watch the discussions enough to know how hurtful this dating journey can be and how demeaning being forgotten really is. When did we stop seeing the humanness in others?


“A Gem Is Always A Gem. It’ll Shine Bright Like Always Even If You Put It In Charcoal. You Just Need To Open Your Eyes & Heart To Find Them In Human” ― Muhammad Imran Hasan


My last and most important point, at least to me, how can I love someone so deeply, with everything in me, and be nothing more than a distant memory to them? It happens. It happened to me. It’s constant and no matter where I try to place my heart it always winds up with her. I read the cliches, love conquers all, all you need is love, love wins, etc. Here’s my love, it’s real, it’s complete, it’s forever… Nothing. Always nothing. 


“You can love someone so much…But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.” ― John Green


  1. Ken, I have recently been ghosted by a longtime friend. She has basically disappeared from the face of the earth. For me I have found that a crisis be it medical, financial or emotional. Makes me need my friends more & more. This divorce is proving to be the divorce that never ends. I could really use my friend. I have often wondered if the age of social media helps or hurts relationships, and if the impersonal nature of our society thanks to an addiction to social media as well as a lack of organic relationships affect everyone in a negative manner!I still prefer to give and receive letters, cards and notes. Sadly our society seems to be getting far away from these things!

    • Lisa
      Social media created opportunities to have more friends. You and I are examples of this and in our case served us well. But the lack of integrity and other factors keep real, deep, and bonded relationships from happening. I have 5 in my tribe. I love those 5 humans and always will. But before the internet I had 5 as well.

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