Ask Lindy . . . I Am Afraid of Being Happy

By Lindy Earl

Dear Lindy,

I have begun dating a wonderful person, fabulous in every way.  The challenge is that I dislike the extended family. I figure I can just ignore them and have holidays with my side only.  What are your thoughts?

-Good Director

Dear Director,

I think it’s important to realize that when you enter into a relationship with a person you are entering into relationships with their children, siblings, friends, and more.

In truth, these people have been in their life longer than you have.  If it is your intention to disrupt their holidays and traditions by keeping your new love to yourself, I can’t endorse the concept.

Two options – decide and learn how to accept and get along well with everyone or excuse yourself from this relationship.

Yes, it is okay to break up over family situations, and better now than later.

Dear Lindy,

My question is, do people actually want to settle down with someone again? I had a wonderful marriage and always assumed I would remarry. I love to give myself to a relationship. Yet, I’ve been intentionally single for several years due to having children and expect to stay so for at least the next 18 months when my youngest reaches 18 years of age.

But, even after that, while there are things to look forward to in a relationship, I have learned how to enjoy doing my own thing. It’s so hard to see someone else fitting into my life and even harder to gear up and work at something that feels unattainable.

Any thoughts?


Dear Wondering.  You have done a great job of creating a life for yourself and your children.  That’s quite a success story and you should be proud of it.

As you’ve suggested, things will change in a few years as your children make their own way in the world.  Of course you will continue to be there for them.

You will also have the opportunity to put yourself first. Part of that may include having a special person in your life.  At this point you are too far away from it to be overly concerned.

As your children are launched, and your life settles into yet another new pattern, you will find chances to either pursue people or find yourself being pursued.  That’s when you can decide if you want someone to fit into the life you have created, and if you want to work to create a life together.

For now, enjoy your children and your situation. You’ve done a great job so let tomorrow take care of itself and enjoy your days, one at a time.

Dear Lindy,

I have recently begun dating a wonderful person – warm, funny, intelligent.  Everything I hoped to find!  I wonder what will happen and thought about breaking up, but don’t want it to end. We fit together well.  I am finding the happiness that eluded me for so long.  What should I do?


Dear Happy,

Enjoy it!  This is what you wanted and what so many of us desire.  You found it.  Hold on tightly and appreciate what you have.

Lindy is a Relationship Speaker, Consultant, and Advisor.  If you have a question, or would like to speak with Lindy about other matters, please contact her at